Dear Analiese Silvey

Thank you for the "Life Changing Email".  It has definitely changed my life.  Once again I feel a certain elation when marking email as spam.  Thank you for returning some joy to clearing junk from my email box.

Dear Mister Spammer

Seriously.  Stop calling me Diana.

Dear Mister Spammer

No.  Someone did NOT send me an Authentic MLB Jersey.

That is all...

Dear Mister Spammer

Dear Twitter Bots,

I would block you but it seems your existence might improve my Empire Avenue ratiung.

Sincerely Conflicted...

Dear Mr Phish

A private message in my email box from Facebook with nothing but a link.  No thank you...

Dear Mister Spammer

Dear Warcrack Spammers,

I don't play Aion either.  That is all.

Dear Mister Spammer

What exactly is so hard about getting a job and actually working for a living?

Dear Twitter Spamtards

Yes, you are easy to spot.  And yes you get blocked as soon as you are spotted.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for the offer of a free gift card worth $100 for Farmville.  Aside from the fact I know this is a scam, I would normally appreciate the fake gesture with the exception of the fact that I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE ANYTHING RELATED TO FREAKING FARMVILLE.

Dear Zoosk

When I close my account, I really want to close my account.  Quit sending me matches and flirts from people who are probably just bots.

Dear Nicholle Swindell - aka Ms Spammer

Mwahahaha!  At least you picked an appropriate name this time.

Dear Mr Phish

I can find out my credit score and I'll I need to do is give you my personal information?  What could possibly be wrong with that?

Dear Mister Spammer

If you have a name like rogue-wow.net.ru, I will block you.  I mean, why not just call yourself iamleetrussianspamtard?

Dear Mister Spammer - Guest rant by @hedgedevil

Clever - an email about trouble with my paypal account on a day when I couldn't remember the password to it. However...

... I'm on to you, paypal (at) gmail.com ...

Dear Mr Phish - a very special episode: Godaddy Phishing Scam

Today, I will be reposting a post from Adam Helweh’s Posterous.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I just received email receipt for a purchase of $357 (see below) which of course freaked me out since I did not purchase anything from Godaddy for some time. I called Godaddy billing support and they confirmed that it is a scam and that I was the 10th call that the customer support person had taken in a row regarding this. Beware of any of the links on this email. Godaddy is trying to take care of it. I have not logged into my Godaddy account for some time and could not remember if this was my customer number. They confirmed that the same customer number is seen on all of the fake emails that folks seem to be receiving. Please pass it on.

Dear Mr Phish

Thank you for letting me know that I have a new message at a singles site I have never heard of.  Its been a while since I've been hit on by a sexy Fem-bot.

Dear Mister Spammer

The same email message 26 times?  What happened to our relationship?  Its like you're not even trying anymore.

Dear Ji Laurena - aka Mister Spammer or is it Ms?

Thank you for your kind email.  It has been a while since someone has cared enough to try and sell me generic Viagra.  Perhaps you can try me again in thirty or so years when I am floppy and senile.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for letting me know that the fitness industry is responsible for my being fat.  I feel consoled now that I can lay the blame on someone else, rather than accept the fact it is a result of planting my butt in front of a computer all day.

Dear Doctor Tunde Lemon - aka Mister Phish

Thank you for your concern about my ATM card.  Unfortunately I do not wish to open your email nor do I wish to look at the attachment.  I appreciate your concern, and I am sure the keylogger you sent me was indeed for my own benefit, and not at all an attempt to steal my passwords.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for letting me know that I can use my G.I. Bill to get a degree.  It would help if I was in the military, or a veteran thereof.  It would help even more if I was American.  I suppose its the though that counts.

Dear Mr Phish

If WalMart was really giving away $1000 gift cards, do you really think they would need resort to mass emails?  Dude, there would be people screaming about it on every corner of every block in every city.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for your multiple offers of employment this morning.  I must kindly decline your Ponzi schemes, as I already have empolyment.  Thanks for your concern and I wish you much success until the day you are caught, tried and imprisoned.

Dear Mr Phish

Thank you for letting me know that Blizzard has blacklisted my IP range.  If I played World of Warcrack ... and was incredibly stupid...  then I might actually care.

Dear Mr Phish

Thank you for your concern about my World of Warcraft account.  I would gladly send you my password and personal information, but it seems that I do not actually play World of Warcraft.  I realize that WoW is ubiquitous, but there are one or two people who have not been swayed by such digital smack.  Unfortunately I am one of them.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for your multiple offers of a free iPad.  I would gladly open your mail in order to verify that my email address is indeed real, but it seems I actually do not have STUPID tattooed across my forehead.

Dear Mister Spammer

Apparently your magic diploma will make me a "ceos". Would this be some new operating system? Is it open source?

Dear Mr Phish

MR Phish
MR Not Phish
MR Phish
CDEDBD I's
Whale oil, beef ucked!
MR Phish!

Dear Mister Spammer

Regarding your kind comment, "Are parenthetic he arsenic. Not disuse? so go muezzin outflank."  Thank you for the suggestion.  Once I work out what language you are speaking I will be happy to take your advice.