Dear Analiese Silvey

Thank you for the "Life Changing Email".  It has definitely changed my life.  Once again I feel a certain elation when marking email as spam.  Thank you for returning some joy to clearing junk from my email box.

Dear Mister Spammer

Seriously.  Stop calling me Diana.

Dear Mister Spammer

No.  Someone did NOT send me an Authentic MLB Jersey.

That is all...

Dear Mister Spammer

Dear Warcrack Spammers,

I don't play Aion either.  That is all.

Dear Mister Spammer

What exactly is so hard about getting a job and actually working for a living?

Dear Twitter Spamtards

Yes, you are easy to spot.  And yes you get blocked as soon as you are spotted.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for the offer of a free gift card worth $100 for Farmville.  Aside from the fact I know this is a scam, I would normally appreciate the fake gesture with the exception of the fact that I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE ANYTHING RELATED TO FREAKING FARMVILLE.

Dear Zoosk

When I close my account, I really want to close my account.  Quit sending me matches and flirts from people who are probably just bots.

Dear Nicholle Swindell - aka Ms Spammer

Mwahahaha!  At least you picked an appropriate name this time.

Dear Mister Spammer

If you have a name like rogue-wow.net.ru, I will block you.  I mean, why not just call yourself iamleetrussianspamtard?

Dear Mister Spammer - Guest rant by @hedgedevil

Clever - an email about trouble with my paypal account on a day when I couldn't remember the password to it. However...

... I'm on to you, paypal (at) gmail.com ...

Dear Mister Spammer

The same email message 26 times?  What happened to our relationship?  Its like you're not even trying anymore.

Dear Ji Laurena - aka Mister Spammer or is it Ms?

Thank you for your kind email.  It has been a while since someone has cared enough to try and sell me generic Viagra.  Perhaps you can try me again in thirty or so years when I am floppy and senile.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for letting me know that the fitness industry is responsible for my being fat.  I feel consoled now that I can lay the blame on someone else, rather than accept the fact it is a result of planting my butt in front of a computer all day.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for letting me know that I can use my G.I. Bill to get a degree.  It would help if I was in the military, or a veteran thereof.  It would help even more if I was American.  I suppose its the though that counts.

Dear Mister Spammer

Thank you for your multiple offers of a free iPad.  I would gladly open your mail in order to verify that my email address is indeed real, but it seems I actually do not have STUPID tattooed across my forehead.

Dear Mister Spammer

Apparently your magic diploma will make me a "ceos". Would this be some new operating system? Is it open source?

Dear Mister Spammer

Regarding your kind comment, "Are parenthetic he arsenic. Not disuse? so go muezzin outflank."  Thank you for the suggestion.  Once I work out what language you are speaking I will be happy to take your advice.